CONFUSION =l

i hate this thought of mine --CONFUSION..

i don't know if i love him but i wanted to be with him especially when i see him..
i wanted to be with him,for us to be together again..
i can feel that he wanted it too but he's stopping his self for a reason..
i don't know what's his reason..
it's really an unending love story..

i hate it when he stares at me..
when he smiles at me..
when he cares for me..
when he touch my hand..
when he get mad at me..
when he whisper my name..
when he says i love you..
when he kiss me..
when his actions makes me more to be with him..
(coz after that i feel empty..)

i can't even say his mine,we separate ways and don't know if there's a probability of being together.. though some people show caressed for me still i'm longing for him.. i don't know what's that something with him that makes me even wanted him more, i hate it but that's for real.. my heart breaks into pieces when he show that i'm not that important to him, i wanna breakdown.. and easily get jealous when i see his comforting other persons and i'm left behind..
people around us wanted to see us together, but when will that time come again?
i'm wishing that we can be together, no matter what the gap will be i'll ensure to him that i will be strong and fight for him when that time comes.. fight for him come what may.. be with me again.. then i'll be the one to serenade you and say that "i'll be the greatest fan of your life..."

ESPECIALLY FOR YOU =)

This letter is especially for you. .I MEAN IT =)

To My Everdearest Ching,

Today is a special day for you, another year older.. (katwa muna.. hehe) I may not be a part of your special day today but surely you will and always be a big part of my life..(naks..that's true..And i wish on my birthday you'll be there.. Your presence would be a beautiful gift then.. =)
I wish you all the best that this world may offer to you - happiness, health,wealth,friendship,love&peace of mind.. I can see that many people love you simply the way you are.. Hope you won't change and remained kind-hearted..

Thank you for for spending your life with me even for a while and I'm telling you know how happy I am knowing someone like you.. I have no regrets when i fell in love with you.. A MEMOIR, the memories that we had will always remained here inside my heart..

Sorry if somehow I hurt you, (time out kapampangan para aabsorb me lalu..haha)
sorry last time when i've said

"ali cge bahala naku keng sarili ku, ika din bahala naka keng sarili mu.."

It was unintentionally, i didn't mean to say it pero ita mu kasi akakit kung way para enaka maguluhan and mkpgmove on naka with your life.. Kung buryanan kumu talaga buri ku akayabe dakapang malwat neng balu tanaman diba.. Kaya siguro mas masanting na makanta meging disisyun.. Ekuman asabing harapan keka kaya apin namu ini ing way para asabi ku keka ini.. Pasensiya na neh, sana maging close tapa rin kahit makananu.. Remember nyang mgseatmate tamu lagi, the thing na eku kalingwan keka is pag magclass pag mgknta ku tas mgknta ka rin.. and the song stuck in my mind was "RUNAWAY" madalas ke kasi kknta ta dba tas kanta me din.. Pati pag pasulat ka kanaku, and kakulitan mu makamiss.. Promise ku cge enaku mgmasungit keka.. Sorry pag apapagsungitan dka balu mu naman eku buri ta pero tabalu it just happen eh.. Egana-ganang pepakit ku keka tutu ngan ta.. Hopefully you are able to appreciate every little thing that we've shared.. No need to mention kasi every moment i've spent with you was really MEMORABLE.. alakung augse kahit pag mipate, away-bati, egana-gana.. Through the good and bad times still alakung hard feelings keka kaya ali naka pa-sorry ok? Everything happen for a reason, we were accidentally in love with each other for a while and worth it nman ta.. We've learned, and we've learned.. haha.. alanakung balung ituglung kanu kasi.. hehe.. Though we're apart you're in my heart, haha.. mgkanta kumu.. ali sana pin ita kahit ala communication talaga sana mkpgTwitter tamu.. haha.. para atleast updated.. kahit alang love atleast friendship remains..
Sana din akayabe dka mgcooking lesson someday.. haha.. Tin ca pa din utang kakung singing and dancing..haha =)

Wishing you a happy merry birthday and FORGET ME NOT,ok? =)
I wanna see you smiling always.. OK?
And if tin prob. asahan mu you can count me on..
Kahit buhay pag-ibig yapa yan i won't hesitate to help you, just tell me.. (ali mu financially,haha)
SPECIAL ka kaku, always remember that..
And it won't change..
Oh keni namu neh.. sana eka magtampu nung edka agad greet..
Buri ku kasi aku last mgGreet keka, para at the end of the day aisip muku din..
haha.. Pa-importanti kanu neh.. Oitah muh..

"Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find that what you're looking for has been here the whole time.. If you could see that I'm the one who understands you, been here all along.. Have you ever thought just maybe.. YOU BELONG WITH ME ^^."
=>someday it gonna makes sense.. =)

May God showers you with His continous blessings..
SHUNEI SHUNREI KUALE CHING.. (Ühugs&kissesÜ)

Tons of love,
Stitch (Angel) Ü

i i i..

i just feel like writing more and more..
my only way to ease the pain..
i need no one to make this burdens Lesser..

hay sana nga may magsabi sa akin ng..

"ANG TANGA MO, ANG TANGA TANGA MO TALAGA!!"

hay namiss ko yun, sana nman..
pero paano nila ssbhin un kaw lang nakakabasa nito aking blogs.
haha..
ang tanga ko tlaga..gusto pa manggaling sa iba.
naku.. hay cge sleep nalang ako..

=(

please, no farewell =(

it makes me weak..
it hurts..
this day it do hurts..
i dunno,maybe coz i felt ignored by him today..

i wanted to keep the closeness between the two of us..
i'm not ignoring you..
sorry for my stupidity..
i know it must not go on this way..
but..

oh my dear just wanna say sorry..

so if your asking me if i wanted you stay?
my answer would be a big YES!!
stay.. please =(

"I DON'T HAVE THE STRENGTH TO STAY AWAY FROM YOU"
"I WANT YOU ALWAYS, AND I'M DYING WHEN I'M GETTING CLOSER TO YOU"
"I'M UNCONDITIONALLY AND IRREVOCABLY IN LOVE WITH YOU"

damn! it sucks! hate this thoughts of mine..
but this way, my only way to burst it out..

BUT.. =(

i wanted to be near you..
stay beside you..
but..

hoping we can be the same old us..
wishing someday we can laugh again together..
sing.dance.reminisce.

but..

can i bid goodbye for a while?
maybe a year can do..
after a year then we can't be together..
it's ok, but still i try.. try to be stupid..

i don't care about others what i care for is my decisions..
decisions to make this love worthwhile though i'm bearing the pain all alone..
mind me not.. just go on with your life..
i don't want you to think about me.. OK? Ü

(HOPEFULLY YOU'LL BE ABLE TO READ THIS STUFF.)

"KATANGAHAN"
-make sense, right? =)

regrets..

this day was full of regrets (12-05-09)
if only i do this, did that..
but what can i do.. it's over..

but though it was a regret day for me still i had some reasons to make my day worthwhile..
i miss my cousins so much but unluckily we can't be that happy this xmas..=(
if only we can turn back the time..
problems.problems..

my work.. sshhhh.. i'm not done =(

my decisions? whoa..

him? i dunno..

full of hesitations..
can't come up with my own decisions..
i wanted to be more independent..
to have self-esteem..

but all i wanna do right now is to scream out loud and cry =(

WEAK?? i'm not..
perhaps, maybe..

this stuff is non-sense..
i can't think of thoughts that i would wanted to write..

=(

tears in my eyes..

hatin' this thoughts that tears were about to fall..
there not beyond my control but..
i dunno.. haha..
can't i change for a while?
how i'd wish i can..
change my stupidity..

(oita,mbarkada naku pala.. haha..
i'll talked to you later my blogs..
bye2 na, late na ako punta pa ng capitol,
have my work and that's it..
work.school.myself.family.friends.GOD♥
maybe that's the thing i should be focus now..
isn't? haha..maloloka na ako..
sagutin mq my blogs..hehe
ingat ako?salamat..haha )

dec.1,2009 -Love is in the Air..

waaahhh.. ang lamig na neh?
malamig ang simoy ng hangin..la.la.la..
subalit wala eh.. wala na tlga..
haha.. ng ketak ku..
pero i'm happy this day for no reasons..
can't find reason also to be mad at him kahit nasa harapan lang ang dahilan..
kkmiss.. miss q xa.. how i'd wish we can spend time together, just the two of us..

anyways..that's it..
no more,no less..
thinking that i was joking all the time?
no my dear, i mean all the things i've said..
dq xa mfeeL.. dedma.balewala nq.hai =/

cge2.think positive riz! :))
=>>GOOD VIBRATIONS..you're good as friends,isn't?
no need to frown up..

gtgt work.. smile ok? CHEER UP GIRL! :D

a big decision -- CONTRACT =/

been thinking of this decision since the day i got home from Peniel..
should i sign the contract?
truLy it's not a joke if i would sign it..
it's a 1 year contract..
i don't know what might happen if i pursue signing it..


it bothers me most.. but just maybe after i commit myself with that..
there's good in return.. maybe it's him? (hoping..)
it would be a year so maybe after it i can have the love that i'm longing for if fate destined it..
but if not, i'll accept it and what can i do?
oh common! positive vibes..

can't help myself.. i feel terribly bad.. =/
hopefulLy i could made up my mind until Dec. 19, 2009 comes..

why???

why it have to go on this way?
communication no more..
yet i'm longing for you..
hate this..

you're happy now so why should think of me, isn't?
--->YAH RIGHT!

JUST SO YOU KNOW =/

you have touched my heart even though we were millions of miles away. you always made me feel so close. always laughing... you are someone i will always admire. even though i shed tears of sadness... they're also tears of joy to have known you. you were a really wonderful friend--LOVER.. and i know you're looking down on us. i love you and i miss you. always and forever in our hearts. thank you for the kindnesS..maybe this time would really mean GOODBYE.. sorry but i can't hold on for so long, it kills me with so much pain.. but i'm glad you were happy now.. i'm always here for you and you know that :)

I SELDOM QUESTION MYSELF..

i can't move forward.. still loving him for no reasons..
no reasons? don't know.. can't think too much at this moment..
i really do misses his company badly.. =/

i often ask myself.. (CONVERSATIONs WITH MYSELF,am i stupid i'm talking to myself alone?)

"why should we separate ways?"

-obviously he had his girl. :(

"should i wait for him?"

-perhaps?!damn you just give up he doesn't love you ok.. coz if he does just maybe, maybe.. he had ever thought of fighting for you.. for the love his saying..

"but i'm longing for his love.. :("

-well,it's up to you now.. wait if you love him,but the question is until when can you wait? can't you see he love his girl too much?

"sorry.. but he asked me before if i wanted him to break up with his girl but i said no because that's the right thing isn't?"

-duh! he asked you then you said NO! oh my, that's your fault anyway.you should fight for the one you loved most,isn't?

"yah right,but i don't know, i'm just being considerate.. i'm thinking of his girl that time.. we can be together but i'm afraid that he might long for his girl so i didn't fight for him.. and besides whenever they argue he can't take it,he always wanted his girl.. and not me, it hurts a lot.. :("

-wtf! just do what you want, i can't help you anyways.. it's your decision.. just follow what you truly desire..

"thanks, maybe i'll be caring for him silently.. wishing that someday we can be together.. how i'd wish.."

-goodluck girl, just follow your heart and you'll never be wrong..

"i'll do my best.. maybe now i won't bother him but i will love him more.. sadly i can't show my love for him.. maybe in God's time we can be together if it's God's will but if not i'll just accept the mere fact that we can't be together.." :(

-->DON'T THINK TOO MUCH JUST SLEEP NOW, IT'S GETTING LATE..

"THANKS.. IWBRHWFY =/ "

Being there for someone you loved though he doesn't know may give you a reason not to frown up, let him/her be your inspiration and God would give in return what you deserve maybe not the exact package that you've been dreaming for but still there's a big chance that what you Wish for is the one you would have not now but later. So just smile and never give up.. GOD IS GOOD! :))

WAITING :(

i never stop dreaming that someday there will be "YOU&I"

i guess i miss you so much..

perhaps i really do!
your care..
your smile..
EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU..

I DO LOVE YOU STILL :(

FORGET ME NOT :(

hate this feeLing..

Let me borrow this Lines..

"I MISS YOUR SMILE, I MISS YOUR KISSES, EACH AND EVERYDAY I REMINISCE"

but sadLy i can't show you my Love..

missing you badLy,how i'd wish you know..


...i'm thinking if you're thinking of me too...


-->IWBRHWFY... :(

COMPANION..

i'm longing for..

waiting for..

how i'd wish..

when that time comes..

he would be my last..

my other haLf..

my C.....

(i can't express through words what i really feel right now :( )

it's been 2 weeks.. :(

pieces of me :(

today might not be a good day for me..
starting this day with doubts and without knowing what would happen next..
i thought everything was in proper place and seems right but then it wasn't..
how could i stop thinking what's happening around me if everyday all i can think about was their goodness..
what about me?my happiness.. :(
i wanted to screamed out,i've never been before in this kind of situation..
and God knows that i don't intend to hurt anyone's feelings..

can someone take me out of this pLace?i can't take it no more..
i feel so aLone..got left out in this dark room..
...and leave me hanging behind.... :(

heartily....HEART, I LOVE YOU :)

how would i start my new post?haha..i just feel talking again but i can't talked to anyone at this moment..they were all asleep..so i share my thoughts with this blog..

here i go again..hmm..have you ever wonder why i entitled my post heartily?
well..it's because i wanted.LOL..kidding aside,lately i'm thinking every now and then why the word "heartily" that i used often comes on my mind..and that's it..the title speaks for itself.. :D

anyways,heartily means so much to me and exactly it's the 14th day of September today..14,the date when i started using "HEARTILY RHAMCEZ" - i'm thinking who can be the one that could take good care of my heart..and whisper to me,heart-I LOVE YOU-haha..but..whoa my mind is now thinking,remembering,reminiscing..i dunno what's next..
OMG..i can't hep thinking..thinking about..whooossh..

isn't this blog too weird?haha..sorry if someone could read it,my fingers just typed whatever my mind speaks..haha..i'm so ewan at this moment..so bangag that's why i can't really process what should i ought to say..maybe the next time around i could make a part 2 of this "HEART-I LOVE YOU" -i really need enough rest at this time..so that's it..just wait for the second part,and i guarantee you..it would be more meaningful..haha..

SO HOW'S MY DAY?my day..it was a nice one,it made me feel better and back to my comfort zone and it's because of that special someone who become more happier today and hope so could be in happiness every now and then..seeing him happy would make me feel fine..that's all i wanted him to be,to be in HAPPINESS :D

goodnight my dearest blogger,my diary, my bestfriend..thanks,that's all for today,HOPE SO I CAN WRITE MY EVERYDAY THOUGHTS STARTING TODAY.. (haha..parang baliw lang ako,kulang nalang sagutin ako ng blogs ko..haha)

HOW I'D WISH..

i really wished to fulfill my parent's dream for me..
but there are many what if's that bothers me a lot..
what if i failed?what if i disappoint them?
what if i couldn't do this?what if i can't make their dream come true?
WHAT IF???(sad/confused)

here we go again,they talked to me and they wanted me to spend another year in college after my 4th year,everybody pushed me to take the CPA board exam. in our family..
they expect a lot..a lot..a lot..
sometimes i wanna give up and tell them that i want to quit..
but i can't, i dunno if i could make it..
if i could pursue their dreams for me..
if i could..sshh..i'm talking again here in my account just to lessened my burdens..

how i'd wish i have my companion,my man,to make me feel i could do all this..
wish..wish..hope..hope..trust..guidance..and FAITH TO GOD..

i'm speechless when they asked me so,there's no wrong with trying but what if i didn't reach their expectation for me?
things become more harder again,i just can't stop thinking with all those expectations..

:(...

Perhaps it's a SOL'N..

it really aches -- seeing-- holding another heart..
i can't do anything at all..
he tells me "i love you" but his heart was locked..
SO SAD.. (teary eyes)

SO..we made a decision not to let it end with something that could hurt anyone else..
maybe this one could work out if we stay as friends..
i guess my decision is not bias at all..
and yes we're happy with each other company..
he make me smile, i make him laugh..
not bad at all..

hope so that we can maintain our good relationship with each other.. ^^,

a month after confusion (o8-17-o9)

a dejavou?
perhaps..i can..we had a fight this night and it took an hour to resolve it..
i thought at that time that we can't fix this little fight, a silly joke from me that grew bigger..

i just thought that time would be the end, the end of happy moments..
honestly i'm scared,scared of not havig him around.
maybe i get to used of him in my everyday life,so i dunno what i should do if the next day he's gone..

but it melts my heart seeing him that he really felt sorry for that thing..
how stupid i am,luckily he didn't give up..
i'm flattered with his deeds,so much..
i can't explain the feeling i felt at the time when he does that thing..
and it would be the first time that someone could do that for me..

you don't know how happier i am just having you around..
thanks a lot..

LITTLE THINGS ^^

"GETTING SOMETHING OUT OF SMALL THINGS.."

everyday is a blessing..
the moment you wake up is a big blessing for us..
and the mere fact that you're being loved with the people that surrounds you is a very big blessings too..
in this message that been tagged to me makes me realized how blessed i am..

being with this someone so special here in my heart, though i know we can't be together is a big blessing for me..
though small things that he shared with me makes me happier most of the time..
with his smile,he makes me feel liked i'm almost in heaven..
(sabi nga nila,mababaw lang kaligayahan ko kaya mababaw din ang luha..)
but mind you,i really appreciate every little thing that you show to me..

so be a blessing to everyone,learn to appreciate and give without asking for any returns..

"LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST..♥ÜÜÜ♥"

FAMILY DAY..makes me hapii Ü (o8-16-o9)

i dunno if i would laugh, got angry or what..
it's just that he keeps telling me that he's not going..luckily one of my friends told me he is..
but then he keeps pretending that he won't go at all,so i pretend also that i dunno anything..(haha,balamu galang..hmp!Ü) anyways,though i know for a fact that he's going i'm thinking that time that he wont' go so if he doesn't at least i didn't expect..but i really does..(nanu kano?haha..kagulo mo neh carizza..?:)

it's sunday afternoon then,i dunno how i could escape our practice in school...haha..
but then i did it(thanks kuya soy.. :)

at first we fetch him,i didn't expect that i would meet his family..i thought we'' just drop by in their house to fetch him..mixed emotions :D

after that we went in our house,i didn't expect that he was like that..he make me fall deeper..
he was so nice,and so good to be true..he mingle with my little brother..
i was so happy that time,wishing he could be my boyfriend..
WORRY FREE :D my brother loves him too..
i can see that they enjoy each other company..
i'm speechless..dunno what to say more..
ONE OF A KIND..
(i' dreaming again..la.la.la :)
he makes me happier most of the time..

million of thanks to you my dear..
it was the first time also that he held his hand to mine..
whoa..THANKS!Ü for making me feel loved..

meeting both families hope so someday it would be true..haha..
(as i said there's nothing wrong with dreaming.. ♥ÜÜÜ♥)

Lucky mornight "o8-13-o9"

"it's a matter between the two of us, you&ii together.."

thanks for that night,you make it so memorable for me..
i won't forget it,i"ll treasure it forever..♥ÜÜÜ♥

2 TIMER-BAD IDEA!

whoa. .another foolishness. .not my idea. .

an idea of a guy. .
==>a classmate,friend,seatmate,crush. .

he keeps telling me about this but i refused. .
i know it's a good decision but. .
the more i turn back to him,the more he comes closer. .
i really want to get rid of him. .
he had a girlfriend. .

i dunno what comes to his mine to offer me a love. .
a void love. .
i'm telling him to get away from me. .
but. .

WAIT?!!
can someone answer this:
"what's on the mind of a guy who had his girl for almost 2 years and now telling me that he wanted to be with me also?"

isn't guys are too complicated too?
they must be contented..

wish he could stop his foolishness. .
so i can get rid of him. .
:(

-I DON'T WANT TO FALL FOR HIM. .
i'm bleeding right now and don't wanna go for another foolishness again. .

CONFUSED...

it's been 3 days since we broke up. .SPEECHLESS. .

:(


i don't know what should i do. .

forget him. .

moved on. .

STOP MY FOOLISHNESS. .

another chapter ended again. .--bLeeding inside :(

"THE MORE I LOVE, THE MORE I NEED TO SACRIFICE"

is it really this way. .the more i'm loving a person. .the more i need to sacrifice or risk something for him?or is that. .the more people know i have my guy, the more our relationship would easily come to an end? (tsk. .so confused???)

why does it happened to me everytime many people known my guy. .i hate this part. .well maybe it's for my good. .yah maybe. .God's will. .

we've met. .seperated. .after 2yrs we were happily together again. .and NOW??

is it really the END??well. .for him?i dunno if he's just fooling me around. .i'm thinking always if he love me seriously or just wanna messed up with my life. .yah i know he got the BAD GUY IMAGE EVER. .and i bet that many girls would liked to be with him. .WHY NOT?he's handsome and oh sense of humor?common! he can easily get you. .just liked me. .

but until now i dunno if i do love him?or just playing with him?of my!!
i can't say that i love him, but i'm happy everytime i'm with him. .
duh!! i confused myself. .STUPIDITY EVER!! :(
MARTYRDOM?!! hate this part. .
should i end up everything with us?!
oh God give me reasons. .signs. .


hopefully i could made up my mind. .


AM I BEING AN EMO?haha. .(LOL,hopefully not. . :D)

"FORWARD IN CHRIST"

"Forward in Christ. ." the theme that the Couples For Christ quoted during their anniversary Last Sunday (May 24,2005). It was the 19th year of CFC existence here in Pampanga and yearly they celebrated it in Expo Filipino, Clark. . It was fun, there were lots of people who came and were one of them, our family because our parents were members of CFC. . It's not only for couples, also for kids, youth, singles for Christ, handmaids of the Lord and servants of the Lord. . It was indeed a joyous celebration. .

The celebration was marvelous you can really feel the presence of the Lord, He was so good that he can reunite all those people for a purpose. . Our brothers and sisters in Christ makes everyone feel as their own family. .For a whole day we were there joining different people, with different lives but with one purpose. .We dance and sing songs of praise to God, you can all see that people enjoying with the activities. .Our beloved Bishop in Holy Rosary shared during the mass the meaning of "Our Father", and blessed all of us. .

Yes as our brothers and sisters said "we were all blessed. ." As the songs goes by: "so blessed I can't contain it, so much I got to give it away, your love has taught me to live now, you are more than enough for me. ." All of us were so blessed by the presence of the Lord in our life and with the love that He had given to us. . And yes, I'm so blessed with many things in life -my family, friends, people who love me dearly and the things that surrounded me. . I'm so thankful that God never let us down nor leave us behind whenever were in deep sorrow, whenever we face different obstacles in life. .He's been there to us since the day we were born until the present. .He's so good that, He always guide us with every path we take and redirect us whenever we loose our ways. His love for us is enduring, a magnificent and great God. .

Thank you Lord, Jesus for all the blessings and the guidance you've given to us. .Thank you for all the instruments that this event made once again successful and touched each and one of us. .I'm so thankful with your love for us. .May you help us and guide us through until the end of time. . Praise the Lord!Ü

unended love..

whoa. .i'm thinking what i'm about to write. .(???) there are lots of thoughts here in my mind and i dunno what should i supposed to do to make everything all right without hurting the feelings of others. .

here i am again, deeply in love with this guy whom i've known for quite years. .(oh my not at all, i don't even know everything about him! saddest part!) he's my guy for a couple of months, i don't know how we'd survive this too long. .coz since i'd broke up with my first the next guy i had could last only for 3months, but know i'd survived (4th month,hooray!)

this relationship is so complicated, we easily fight (most of the time,coz of my childish attitudes and his misunderstandings), but what's good about it is that he never give a dumb. .i dunno but i really miss being loved with someone, and maybe he's the one who can understand me by now. .(does he???)haha. .oh yes, he makes me burst into laughter everytime i'm with him. .he never run out of jokes that would made me laugh. .and whenever i'm with him i just can't explain the feeling. .mixed emotions. .i loved being with him,coz i wanna find out the real him. .see the real him. .and accept the real him. .

i can't think what's next should i sya about him. .
to be continued. .LOL!Ü